Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Sites | Writers | Advertise | My Orble | Login

Totally ballsed it up

The on-going saga of the Corby family never fails to provide good copy, and the current legal stoush between former friends Mercedes Corby and Jodie Power is certainly providing similar voyeuristic reading.

I admit it. I had a view about Schappelle before her guilty verdict was handed down, although it mostly had to do with wanting her to stop plucking her eye brows. I know she's short of things to do, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD Schappelle - take up Sudoku! The constantly startled expression on her face, as a result of her eyebrows being plucked approximately 5 centimetres too high should be, quite frankly, warning enough to foolhardy drug traffickers. Possibly with a strap line saying "know what you're getting yourself in for?"


However, anti trafficking marketing collateral aside, the current Corby vs Power throw down is compelling reading. If for no other reason that the recent SMH on-line article quoting Ms Power's mother, Margaret Campbell, as saying that after she allegedly discovered she'd been used as a drug mule by Ms Corby that she rang Ms Corby in a fury and said "Never do anything like that again or I will cut your balls out and hand them to you on a silver platter."

Now, I'm no doctor. Indeed I don't work in any of the allied health professions but I am prepared to stake my reputation on the fact that Ms Corby is probably not the owner of a pair of male reproductive organs.

I would suggest that the chance of Ms Corby being a cross dressing man and it not having been picked up (or indeed used in evidence to date) is fairly slim. And I would suggest that even the law of averages would not be in favour of her being an hermaphrodite. I am prepared to state, for the record your honour, that Ms Corby is probably a woman. A woman not built with male genitals. And certainly not a woman built with male genitals that have yet to drop, if the quote of "cut your balls out" is accurate.


I understand that some young boys can suffer from this medical condition, but again I question whether a 32 year old woman would suffer from the same condition.

While I'm not really a gambler I'm prepared to play the odds on this one. If Ms Campbell's quote is correct, she would have us believe that Ms Corby is a 32 year old cross dressing man with undropped testicals, or a 32 year old hermaphrodite with undropped testicals. I would imagine both of these scenarios to have fairly long odds.

I'm not from Queensland, as I believe Ms Campbell to be, so can't report with any reliability that the curriculum of junior school science is the same as it is in NSW. So, I can't be entirely confident that Ms Campbell's attention to detail during Year 9 biology was questionable. But I can be confident that in suggesting Ms Corby has "balls" that Ms Campbell has failed to notice what most toddlers notice immediately.

It also makes you wonder why if Ms Corby is currently mounting a defamation suit against Ms Power's mother, for calling her a bloke.
Comments (2)Comments (2) Add CommentsAdd Comments
45
Vote
   


Age shall not weary them

A 62 year old man from northern NSW was recently arrested for growing a cannabis crop with an estimated street value of $3 million.

It is not the growing of cannabis in this story which caught my eye, but more that our friendly stoner is old enough to be my Dad.

What is happening to the world when someone who should be wearing hush puppies and writing letters to the editors to fill their days, is instead reaching for the bucket bong and co-opting mates into doing a mars bar run at 3am?

Not that I’m suggesting that drugs are the sole domain of the young and hapless, just that when someone who qualifies for discount public transport is an integral component in maintaining the market share of BBQ shapes and ice cream that something is amiss.

I don’t want to appear ageist – but the reality is I guess I am as it’s not only my pot-head pop that has disconcerted me, but more, that a lovely if not misguided 22 year old lad recently hit on me.

Under normal circumstances, this would be an enormous ego boost to most 36 year olds. To me, my initial reaction was “I own wine older than you”.

Followed closely by “If this was the Edwardian era, I would legitimately be old enough to be your mother.” Ego boost aside, when that pops into your head, it’s reasonable to assume no amount of mental colour and movement is going to distract you from the logical progression to an internal monologue pondering Zimmer frames and incontinence pads.

How has all this come about? When did I become so age focussed?

Possibly in the entry gates to Homebake where I dutifully pulled out my photo ID to show the security guard, who waved me past saying “it’s fine, really” but then turned away a friend who is 2 years older than me.

Homebake 2007
View of Homebake from Ferris Wheel


Or was it when I relayed to a friend that my 22-year old paramour had said I was “cooler than Mr T” and she spitefully told me that he wouldn’t know who Mr T was because of his age, so he was clearly lying.

So, what does this mean? Am I now to hang up my Triple J shirt and move the dial to Radio National? Is my street credibility for knowing all the lyrics to the White Stripes tarnished due to also having some Phil Collins in my CD collection?

And most importantly do I need to stop writing to this blog and start writing letters to the editor about the lack of public toilets and how good we had it back in the day?
Add CommentsAdd Comments
64
Vote
   


White Noise vs West Coast Eagles

MATURE CONTENT
Read MoreRead More
   


There's no I in team - work horror

I work for idiots. I may not have mentioned this, what with not having bothered to update this blog for months.

It’s not that I’ve been without content, but more that every time I sit down to write something the only thing that pours from my fingertips is “I work for idiots, trabajo para idiotas, je travaille pour les idiots, lavoro per gli idioti


[ Click here to read more ]
Read MoreRead More Comments (3)Comments (3) Add CommentsAdd Comments
48
Vote
   


As good as it gets?

I know, it's been weeks since I've dropped by and so in my defense I am very lazy.

I've also relocated back home to sunny Sydney; am still being stalked by the mentalist I kicked around with briefly in London; and started work the day after I flew back (jet lag is for the weak) so I've kind of been busy catching up with friends I've not seen for 18 months and doing all that revisiting of old haunts etc


[ Click here to read more ]
Read MoreRead More Comments (1)Comments (1) Add CommentsAdd Comments
35
Vote
   


What would your stripper song be?

I realise it’s been about a month since I last posted some random thoughts, so thanks for hanging around.

By way of explanation as to my laxness with posting, my last month in London comprised a mate coming over for three weeks and us going to Madrid, Paris and Brighton for weekends; hooking up with a guy who has set the bar for white noise much much lower when after 3 dates told me he’d applied for a visa to come to Australia with me (and because I thought he was joking, as surely no one could be that mental, I laughed and said “Great! Come live with me.” Note to self, learn from this mistake) and finally having my boss acknowledge my resignation


[ Click here to read more ]
Read MoreRead More Add CommentsAdd Comments
37
Vote
   


Australian tourism: so where the bloody hell are you?

Last financial year the Australian tourism office spent $10 million AUD on an international campaign promoting Australia as a destination of choice to the northern hemisphere. The federal government has just launched the eco-friendly tourism component of this campaign.

The TVC vision was pretty much aerial footage of beaches, the red centre, barrier reef and kangaroos and ended on a bikini clad local walking out of the surf saying “so, where the bloody hell are you


[ Click here to read more ]
Read MoreRead More Add CommentsAdd Comments
43
Vote
   


You can take your job...

I have a whole new level of professional dilemma currently.

Usually any professional dilemma revolves around mistakenly hitting reply to all during a game of intra-office slander with like minded colleagues; or trying to smoothly sidle away from the photocopier before its distress beeps get noticed by someone who wants to know who was responsible for melting something plastic around the drum for the third time in as many days


[ Click here to read more ]
Read MoreRead More Comments (2)Comments (2) Add CommentsAdd Comments
46
Vote
   


Visa: the card accepted everywhere

I have been remiss in updating this for a while. The entire Having A Real Job is not nearly as entertaining as I had presumed and greatly interferes with my ability to operate in a largely nocturnal fashion. It also limits my travelling entirely to weekends, which makes me not so much a traveller as a Londoner just getting out of the city for the weekend.
Ronda, southern Spain
El Tajo gorge, Ronda southern Spain


[ Click here to read more ]
Read MoreRead More Add CommentsAdd Comments
40
Vote
   


10 million pints of Guinness

The Guinness Brewery in Dublin claims it produces ten million pints of Guinness each day for distribution to more than 50 countries world wide.

After spending the weekend in Dublin, it seems to me that the large portion of those ten million pints actually only travel the 4 blocks from the Brewery down to Temple Bar


[ Click here to read more ]
Read MoreRead More Add CommentsAdd Comments
35
Vote
   


More Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
62 Posts dating from September 2006
Email Subscription
Receive e-mail notifications of new posts on this blog:

JaneD's Blogs

I have no other blogs :(
Moderated by JaneD
Copyright © 2006 2007 2008 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]